I found Graystripe at the mouth of the nursery. I stared after him, like a cat starving to death looking at a juicy piece of fresh kill she was forbidden to take. The gray tom turned around, and noticed me standing, staring at him. He hesitated, but then padded towards me, glancing around warily, as though guilty. “Raincloud, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’ve been a jerk, and –“
  “Shh,” I cut across his words. I have been waiting for him to come back to me. “I understand. You don’t’ have to say.” He blinked his clear amber eyes at me, and I felt as though I could drown in their warmth for ever. But the spell was broken when Millie’s yowl of agony split the air. Daisy bounded to the medicine den, and Leafpool and Jaypaw burst out from it. “The kits!” Graystripe gasped. I could sense that, in his mind, Silverstream’s death was replaying again and again. “Don’t worry,” I murmured in his ear. “She’s going to be fine.”

Leafpool emerged from the nursery at half-way to sunhigh. “She’s fine,” the medicine cat assured Graystripe. The gray warrior let out a breath, and bounded into the nursery. Feeling slightly hurt once again at Graystripe’s affection towards Millie, I trailed away absent-mindedly.

***

“Well done.” I smiled at Millie. “Your kits are beautiful. She was breathing heavily, as though she was tired. But she should be, after giving birth to four kits. “What should we name them?” Father mewed, his amber eyes shining excitedly.
  “I want the dark brown one to be Brairkit.” Millie told him. “And the white tom should be Cloudkit.”
  “What about Blossomkit for the white and ginger kit?” Father suggested. “And you came name the gray one.”

Millie nodded thoughtfully, her yellow eyes betraying her exhaustion. “I’ll think about it.” Then she gave Father a loving, tender lick. For some reason, I felt slightly nauseated.

***

I took a deep breath. I could do this. No I couldn’t. Yes I could. No I couldn’t. All it took was padding over to Graystripe, rasp my tongue over his ear, and ask: “Do you love me more, or do you love Millie more?” But I couldn’t do it. Better to live happily, ignorant of the truth, than to learn it and let it break your heart.

“Want to share?” Graystripe was next to me, a plump rabbit dangling from his jaws.
  “Sure,” I grinned, giddy with joy that Graystripe chose to share fresh-kill with me, not Millie. After we finished, he started grooming me, and we shared tongues, just like in the old days. It was sunhigh, and so, to get out of the shade, we moved into the warriors’ den. I knew that I should make the most of the sun; it was almost leafbare. But still, it was an unusually hot day.

I closed my eyes, feeling Grastripe’s fur press against mine. “I’ll choose you over Millie, Raincloud. Any time.” Grasytripe murmured in his sleep. I smiled. “I’ll choose you over any other tom too, Graystripe.” Cats can’t lie in their dreams. He loved me best.